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Sports Then and Now




Tales From a Fantasy Football Junkie

Posted on November 10, 2009 by Joe Gill

It’s maddening. It causes you elation one minute and devastation the next. Its

CJ28, which is my pet name for him, is my fantasy football man crush.

CJ28, which is my pet name for him, is my fantasy football man crush.

America’s other pass time, fantasy football.

Perhaps Doctor Drew will have a reality show based on this addiction.

I should send in my video now.

I have been playing fantasy football for over 14 years, back to the days when there was no social media or rotoworld.

We used magazines to gather intel to draft players and the commish would calculate scores by reading the box scores in the newspaper.

Technology has drastically changed the FF landscape.

Now if the live scoring isn’t updated in seconds, I get frustrated!

My fantasy football “career” can be summed up as follows, “I am the Fantasy Football version of the Buffalo Bills of the 1990’s.”

I can make it to the big game, but I just can’t win it.

I may be cursed.

I draft Tom Brady last year and he blows out his knee in week one.

Season OVER! I made a valiant comeback and missed the playoffs by one game.

GM of the year? I think so.

This year my team could be dubbed, “Team M.A.S.H.”. If you are under the age of 30, look up M.A.S.H. on YouTube. Funny Show.

Here is the injury list.

Anthony Gonzalez injures knee out since week one.

Frank Gore out 3 weeks with bum ankle.

All world tight end Owen Daniels shreds his knee, out for the year.

However, I am still 6-3 and leading my division.

I am very competitive and accept nothing but winning in reality or fantasy.

This past weekend I was in the White Mountains of New Hampshire with my girlfriend and a couple of friends.

Cup-of-Joe8-300x290We did 4 hours of shopping at the outlets on Friday (to the point of nausea).

We trekked to the majestic Mount Washington Hotel on Saturday.

Had a great brunch at the Red Fox in Jackson Sunday morning.

My girlfriend and her friends went shopping AGAIN, so I had the condo to myself.

Me and my mistress, fantasy football spent the whole afternoon together.

It was orgasmic.

Pats on the TV.

Laptop close by.

Beer in hand.

Heaven.

My team appropriately called Steamin’ Cup of Joe has been a scoring force. I lead the league in points and just wished there was a prize for it (rule change has already been filed with the commish).

I was playing second place Voice of Doom, who is hot on my heals for the division league.

It was a full blown slobber knocker.

The 4pm games were the arena of death.

My TV clicker was like a gunslingers pistol.

Doc Holliday, I will be your huckleberry.

Saints Game.

Giants Game.

Check laptop.

Acknowledge my girlfriend’s existence.

Saints Game.

Giants Game.

Swig Beer.

Repeat.

I curse D’Angelo Williams 66 yard touchdown run.

The Voice of Doom was drinking a Cup of Joe and spitting it back in my face.

I praise Frank Gore and Chris Johnson trading TD’s in San Fran.

Then Chris Johnson, who is my man crush, lit up my computer screen with an 81 yard touchdown!!

I screamed and no one was listening.

I trashed talked the league saying that a MVP award should be named In CJ28’s honor.

Then the cruel joke.

The tweet from hell.

The play is under review.

Play over turned and there goes my 15 point touchdown.

My star receiver, Marques Colston uncharacteristically dropped passes that he would usually reel in like a fisherman bringing in a marlin.

It wasn’t my day and certainly wasn’t my night.

Eagles versus Cowboys.

I have the Philly D and VOD has Miles “Discovery of the Year” Austin (I am happy I picked up Donnie Avery over Austin!!) and David Akers.

I have a 20 plus point lead and he has the Denver D on Monday night.

The Philly-Dallas game was going my way until mid way through the fourth.

Then poetically Miles Austin roped in a Romo pass and poetically stuck his foot

I hate you, Miles Austin!

I hate you, Miles Austin!

up my hind quarters with a 49 yard scoring grab.

Lead gone.

Game over.

Loss (unless Denver let up 55 points versus Pittsburgh) against a division rival.

Heart broken.

Yes it’s a game.

Yes it’s fantasy football.

But damn I want my name on that Super Bowl Trophy.

That will become a reality (update during the playoffs).

Or I will end up on Dr. Drew’s new VH1 show, “ Fake Pigskin Addiction”.

Joe Gill is a featured columnist for Sports Then and Now. His “Cup of Joe” column is a regular feature on Boston Sports Then and Now.


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