Sports Then and Now

Frustrated by her lack of television exposure, Kim Kardashian tries to take matters into her own hands.

With the Super Bowl now only a few hours away, here are some predictions about what we may see tonight. Hey, just remember, it is the Super Bowl, so anything can happen:

Fight for the Spotlight: Frustrated that Archie and Eli Manning have received more television air time than her, Kim Kardashian storms into their suite in the third period and starts swinging her purse at the shocked Mannings. Channeling years of frustration for always being the one being hit, Eli takes her down in a battle that is more captivating than the game.

Senior Moment: Roger Daltrey and Peter Townshend start playing “Who Are You” during their halftime concert and then can’t remember who they are and begin playing “Start Me Up” by the Rolling Stones.

Clearing the Set: With NFL Network analysts seemingly dropping like flies due to allegations of domestic violence and rape, the NFL Network just gives up and decides to clear their set of all former players and coaches. This leaves host Rich Eisen sitting alone at the Super Bowl for four hours rambling on about whatever topic he can think of, including a 20 minute dissertation about the greatness of nachos. After the program, Eisen is seen in front of the ESPN truck clicking his heals and repeatedly saying “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”

After a rough day at the Super Bowl, Rich Eisen longs for a simpler time.

Not Tempting the Fates: There have been four kickoffs returned for touchdowns during Super Bowls played in Miami with each return coming from a player on the losing team. Knowing this, when Indianapolis Colts returnman Chad Simpson breaks free and seems to have clear sailing to the end zone on the opening play of the game, he is suddenly tripped up by Peyton Manning, who ran out onto the field to ensure the Colts wouldn’t join that club.

Missing Defense: With the game tied 42-42 at halftime, the teams agree in the second half to switch from tackle to flag football since none of the defensive players were tackling anyone anyway.

Simms Breakdown: When Drew Brees and Peyton Manning go the entire game without throwing an incompletion, CBS analyst Phil Simms, who held the record for best completion percentage in a Super Bowl, cannot finish the broadcast as he is overcome with emotion knowing that his last credible record as a quarterback has been broken.

Late Game Delay: With the game tied 59-59 and 38 seconds left on the clock, the game is delayed for 10 minutes as the official stat crew has to switch to a backup computer because their main stats computer has been fried due to all the offensive input. During the delay, Kim Kardashian tries to break directly into the CBS television booth to get more television airtime.

With the Super Bowl on the line, Peyton Manning uses his feet to lift the Colts to victory.

Final Results: It looks like New Orleans will win their first Super Bowl when Reggie Bush scores on a 77 yard pass from Drew Brees with 11 seconds left in the game to give the Saints a 66-59 lead. However, Peyton Manning surprisingly takes the field and returns the ensuing kickoff 97 yards for a touchdown. The Colts then win the game when Manning stays on the field and hits Dallas Clark for a two-point conversion.

Don’t think it will turn out like this? Well, you better tune in to find out.