Sports Then and Now

This is the fifth and final installment of a sports satire

Could the WNBA be the answer to what ails sports in Buffalo?

I thought he’d given up on me. It has been almost a year since I first heard from Brave Throat. Despite my best efforts to light a fire under the idea of bringing the Braves back to Buffalo,  I had received less than a grand and a few season tickets in commitments—and to be honest, was eventually distracted by life and gave up on the idea.

I’ve been looking over my shoulder, though, fearful that he’d eventually show up in a more Dickensian form, terrorizing me with dream-travel to a Buffalo future sans the Bills and Sabres. I was already imagining it—Buffalo back in the AHL and the AFL as in (the new, old) Arena Football League.

But, no. He was understanding of, if not completely resigned to my failure.

As I suspected, he would not use text messaging to get my attention. He simply popped into my room when I was asleep last night, appearing as some kind of hologram. He had company. Randy Smith. That threw me for a loop.

The two gave me a moment to absorb, then Ranallo aka Brave Throat spoke up.

“OK, John,” I think I over-estimated Buffalo. I should’ve known.” Read the rest of this entry →

It’s true: I’m shameless. Last year, around this time, I pimped an article by heading it “Bills Win Super Bowl.”

This year, some word play with the names of people we would rather not be the ones upon whose shoulders our team and city’s fate now rests, is my best shot at grabbing readers. No one would fall for the Super Bowl tag again, and not because it would be the second year in a row that I used it, but because the capacity of the typical Buffalo fan to even imagine such a reality is exhausted.

Now after having dreams of Holmgren nixed, dreams of Cowher Chan-neled to the crapper, dreams of McNabb, or Clausen, or McCoy, or even Tebow have been spr(ung) for CJ and the rest of the 2010 Draft Class—they aren’t necessarily bad in a vacuum but they are certainly not the best apparent players to fill the Bills’ biggest voids—the best I can do is have fun with the names of those we wish we didn’t have to associate with the speeding bison logo, and a very wild night-flare (opposite of nightmare) that it all works out perfectly in the end.

Forget imagination, optimism, even wishful thinking; now the best I can offer is a wild, crazy dream. Sort of the Buffalo football version of The Wizard of Oz , and this is certainly not the time to pay any attention to the man behind the curtain.

Work with me.

So here’s the dream I had last night. Read the rest of this entry →

Will Tim Tebow be heading to Buffalo?

The Buffalo Bills blogosphere is on fire. Every armchair GM in Buffalo is frothing with angst.

What’s wrong with Buddy Nix? Why hasn’t he signed any big name free agents? Why hasn’t he leveraged his inside knowledge of the Chargers to pluck some of their best pieces to complete the Buffalo puzzle?

And, oh my God, no! Tim Tebow! What does Jim Kelly think he’s doing, recommending and romancing this guy who obviously can’t be retooled for the NFL? Good thing Kelly doesn’t have any personnel authority at One Bills Drive.

OK, all of you! Breathe!

Is anyone familiar with the expression, “Crazy like a fox?” I’m going to suggest a new expression that is the Bills translation of same. “Genius like a Nix.”

I was one of the biggest advocates for getting big names like Bill Cowher on board. I wrote an article here at ST&N and was interviewed on Buffalo radio about it.

Read the rest of this entry →

Former Dallas Cowboys and Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets head coach Chan Gailey will become the new head coach of the Buffalo Bills.

I had heard the buzz yesterday, that the Bills would be announcing Chan Gailey as their new head coach. I’ll have to admit, it was underwhelming at best. Then I looked at his record and was almost impressed.

For instance, I did not know that (with the exception of Kansas City in his most recent brief assignment) every NFL team that Gailey has worked for, has gone to the playoffs each year he was there. So, I was starting to convince myself to be at least cautiously optimistic.

But then, as I was eating breakfast today, Chicago’s morning sports anchor announced the same story, ending with the comment in quotes above. The sick feeling returned.

Yes, I’m a die-hard, you might say many times dead, Buffalo Bills fan from childhood. I bleed red and blue. My scabs and scars always take the faint, understated shape of a buffalo. And while disappointment is a staple in the Bills fan’s diet, the club’s inability to land even an A-list coordinator for its head coaching vacancy, when so many A-list head coaches are available is one of the worst blows to the gut we Bills fans have ever had to endure. Bar none!

If we take our 91-year-old owner seriously when he said he would spare no expense to get top tier football people into all aspects of the team’s operation, and especially in the general manager and head coaching positions, then it appears that no amount of money or autonomy was enough to entice any of a “Who’s Who in Football” list to accept, or in some cases even interview for the job.

Buffalo News columnist Jerry Sullivan put it in print– that which most of us would have preferred not having to say, hear, read, or think out loud– that the Bills’ inefectual leadership search indicates that the Buffalo Bills top job is not even the 32nd best coaching job in football (there are 32 teams in the NFL). Sullivan based this on the fact that at least six potential candidates turned down the position or refused to interview for the positon. Read the rest of this entry →

The Author thinks he can convince Bill Cowher to come coach in Buffalo.

That’s right, give me 10 minutes with Coach Cowher. I don’t care where, as long as I have a monopoly on his attention and he can’t leave until I’ve had my say. Put me in the urinal next to him—it doesn’t matter. Just give me the opportunity for a brief intervention.

That’s right, I said intervention. That’s what we call it when we corner someone we care about to slap some sense into their head before they continue down some ultimately self-destructive path.

In the coach’s case, if the information on the rumor-coaster is even 10 percent true, the man who’s steel jaw came to symbolize the steel-mill, hard-hat, failure-is-not-an-option outlook of the Pittsburgh Steelers, even when the steel mills themselves were long gone from Steeltown, is apparently addicted to something that is clouding his judgment.

What is the Cowher drug of choice? I don’t know, glamor maybe? Now that he’s won a Super Bowl and has enjoyed celebrity TV status as a pigskin pundit he may think he’s no longer in the same league with another former steeltown. Maybe the white on his collar from the broadcast booth is blinding him to the true blue that will undoubtedly bleed through the next time he breaks a sweat—if he breaks a sweat. Read the rest of this entry →

Is Jim Kelly the person who can help bring a big name coach to Buffalo?

Hall of Famer could win for Buffalo as an emissary what he could not achieve on the field

Remember when Head Coach Dick Jauron was fired and Bills owner Ralph Wilson pledged to spend $10 million per year to get a A-List coach and general manager. Remember when Mr. Wilson interviewed Mike Shanahan, contacted Bill Cowher, and it appeared he was determined to do whatever it takes to get good football minds in the top positions at the franchise?

Do you remember, barely? It was only a month ago, but it seems like an eternity. Since word of the snub from Bill Cowher, nothing else has happened, unless it has been so far under the radar that even the press’s rumor hounds haven’t gotten a scent.
Meanwhile, Mike Holmgren has signed with Cleveland, and all the rumors point to Shanahan going to Washington. Today ESPN’s pundits have Cowher playing Carolina and Tampa Bay against each other, with Ron Wolf, the brains behind the Favre era success at Green Bay, likely to reunite with Holmgren in Cleveland.

Read the rest of this entry →