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Mighty Zultan Denounces Big Ten Expansion; Reviews Bowl Picks

Posted on December 18, 2009 by JA Allen

Why, you ask, would Zultan object to adding another team to the Big Ten? Well, as the self-appointed prognosticator for the Big Ten Conference, there is his reputation to consider.

Obviously, it has been a constant source of embarrassment to the sagacious seer that the Big Ten already has 11 teams.

When the Big Eight Conference realigned, it became the Big 12. Why isn’t the Big Ten known as the Big 11? This weighs heavily upon the great one’s already overtaxed mind. Was it simply that odd numbers are bad luck? Was it to skimp on making new signage?

How does it look for a conference that prides itself on its academic standards and its ethics to promulgate such an obvious misstatement—to have 11 teams, yet only acknowledge 10?

That is like hiding one of your children in the attic. For years, of course, it was Northwestern shivering up there.

But the Wildcats are no longer the odd man out. This year the name of the shunned team is debatable. Zultan, however, believes that Big Blue is being cloistered from view.

If the Big Ten invites another in and becomes 12, they cannot be the Big 12 Conference because one already exists. Will they become the Big Ten-Plus-Two Conference? The Dirty Dozen Conference? The Midwest 12 Conference, with East and West Divisions?

Zultan needs to know in order to factor the details into his crystal ball programming.  After all, he cannot judge the future or the winners of football contests without a well-constructed network!

It also means more games for the all-seeing seer to predict. Work, work, work—that is all he ever does, and you propose heaping on more complex forecasting, further depleting his tenuous mental reserves?

The only way to appease the mighty Zultan is if the Big Ten Conference manages to snag Notre Dame. The sulky seer has a special karma with the Irish. The Big Ten would officially become the “Almighty 12.”

The Bowls, Revisited

In case you have forgotten—Zultan made his college football bowl projections after careful analysis of the matchups a couple of weeks ago. Upon review, however, the mighty one is shocked—stunned, even—that once again so many of you question his choices.

The all-seeing one does wear a turban, after all, and he has a crystal ball. If you foolishly ignore his projections, you may be embarrassed at your results. Remember that it is not too late to register your own vote if you have not yet done so.

Click here to enter your own picks to see if you can best the mighty Zultan—and win a prize for your efforts: a $100 gift card at Best Buy, WalMart, or Target—you choose.

All who enter, regardless of results, will also be eligible to win a CD titled The Best College Football Fight Songs—who could ask for more!

Let us review the voting so far:

1) Champs Bowl—Miami 9-3 vs. Wisconsin 9-3.

Zultan picked Miami—as did 57 percent of you.

2) Humanitarian Bowl—Bowling Green 7-5 vs. Idaho 7-5.

Zultan picked Idaho—as did 62 percent of you.

3) Holiday BowlArizona 8-4 vs. Nebraska 9-4.

Zultan picked Arizona—as did 43 percent of you.

4) Armed Forces Bowl—Houston 7-5 vs. Air Force 10-3.

Zultan picked Houston—as did 80 percent of you.

5) Sun Bowl—Oklahoma 7-5 vs. Stanford 8-4.

Zultan picked Oklahoma—as did 34 percent of you.

6) Texas Bowl—Navy 8-4 vs. Missouri 8-4.

Zultan picked Missouri—as did 66 percent of you.

7) Insight Bowl—Minnesota 6-6 vs. Iowa State 6-6.

Zultan picked Minnesota—as did 62 percent of you.

8) Chick-fil-A Bowl—Virginia Tech 9-3 vs. Tennessee 7-5.

Zultan picked Virginia Tech—as did 66 percent of you.

9) Outback Bowl—Northwestern 8-4 vs. Auburn 7-5.

Zultan picked Auburn—as did 74 percent of you.

10) Capital One Bowl—Penn State 10-2 vs. LSU 9-3.

Zultan picked Penn State—as did 59 percent of you.

11) Gator Bowl—West Virginia 9-3 vs. Florida State 6-6.

Zultan picked Florida State—as did 30 percent of you.

12) Rose Bowl—Ohio State 10-2 vs. Oregon 10-2.

Zultan picked Ohio State—as did 51 percent of you.

13) Sugar Bowl—Florida 12-1 vs. Cincinnati 12-0.

Zultan picked Florida—as did 77 percent of you.

14) Bowl—South Carolina 7-5 vs. UConn 7-5.

Zultan picked S. Carolina—as did 81 percent of you.

15) Cotton Bowl—Oklahoma State 9-3 vs. Ole Miss 8-4.

Zultan picked Ole Miss—as did 51 percent of you.

16) Liberty Bowl—Arkansas 7-5 vs. East Carolina 9-4.

Zultan picked Arkansas—as did 90 percent of you.

17) Alamo Bowl—Michigan State 6-6 vs. Texas Tech 8-4.

Zultan picked Texas Tech—as did 87 percent of you.

18) Fiesta Bowl—Boise State 13-0 vs. TCU 12-0.

Zultan picked TCU—as did 87 percent of you.

19) Orange Bowl—Iowa 10-2 vs. Georgia Tech 11-2.

Zultan picked Iowa—as did 62 percent of you.

20) BCS Championship—Texas 13-0 vs. Alabama 13-0.

Zultan picked Alabama—as did 72 percent of you.

Click here to review the great one’s initial analysis.

So you disbelievers cast your votes for Nebraska instead of Arizona in the Holiday Bowl and for Stanford over Oklahoma in the Sun Bowl. You also sadly trampled Bobby Bowden’s last game by picking West Virginia over Florida State in the Gator Bowl.

You shall live to rue your picks. It is not too late to set the scale right by casting your own vote in this contest. Then we shall see who is right and who is WRONG.

Zultan waits to see if there are any superior to him—it seems highly unlikely.

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